I’ve only just settled into the cold hard bed that is November, and already, I am bewildered by what this month has brought and what it has yet to bring. (Still a little hungover from October’s happenings but, hey, I’ll get over it.) Now, in spite of the challenges ahead, I am quite hopeful of the opportunities I have yet to receive for myself. I continue to question the abilities I hold as a being on this planet. Am I enough? Am I at my best? Am I giving too much? Regardless of what the answers may be, surprisingly, I’ve got a feeling that I might just be on the right track.
When questioning life’s Jack-in-a-box moments, the film The Secret Life of Walter Mitty always come to mind. It’s not that I hold a secret life behind what I wish for my readers to perceive of me. No. Thinking about it now maybe I should create a secret life. Ala Vivian Maier perhaps? Although…. what good will this bring? Also, I haven’t figured out how this would benefit my already messed up state as a 21-soon-to-be-22-year-old living in 2016. This topic most definitely deserves an individual post.
I have not found the quintessence of life. I am still on a voyage to discover it but I do feel like I’m on the right track to finding it! I urge you to do the same.
“What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?”
– George Eliot
Olympus OM-1 | Kodak Ultima 1oo
I don’t recall ever avoiding colors as a child, and I bet you don’t either. Our thoughts filled with the utmost brilliance of hues and tones that express all these emotions that leave you carefree at the end of each day. Yet the older we become, the harder it is to run the color-creating factory you have inside you. Envy, regret, and sadness introduce themselves as loving beings, yet strip you of every tone you have ever spewed out from your head. Brights are now a shade of charcoal, pastels are now a mushy gray, and you’re left asking yourself, “Why?”
Olympus OM-1 | Kodak Colorplus 200
“I desire to be locked in a quiet room, lying on a mattress, and reading this book. Perhaps even under one hour, preferably with you.”
I came across this quote whilst scrolling through my Twitter timeline an hour before I got off work the other day. I couldn’t help but want this desire; a thirst for this sense of peace. I guess the question now is, where do we find this “peace”? Is it out there? And if so, where? Is it reachable? Should I look for it or should I make it happen? These are questions that continue to resound in my head. I’ve been wondering for years and still left with nothing.
All I desire is happiness. I used to think that happiness was found in a place or sourced from another being – preferably someone with I’d have an emotional attachment with – but one day, without being struck by change, I realized that it was just a state. A state you can jump in and out of in which none of it is an obligation nor should is it a default substitution of emptiness when people question your emotional state. We all have different perceptions of happiness and how it resonates within us. Differing in effect for each and everyone of us. We shouldn’t try too hard to find happiness based on someone else’s experience on it. Nor should you, reader, pressure yourself into finding happiness when it has clearly left the building.
I guess the question now is, have I found happiness?
Well, I think I might just have.
Olympus OM-1 | Kodak Colorplus 200